Conversation Tools - Listening to Fix
Here we are using more listening skills than before, but only by a little. We are focused on our own discomfort in what is being communicated. Often we try to break the tension that we feel by fixing the problem that is being shared with us. We are listening for key details and equating their experience with our own looking for an opportunity to interject our own solutions. It is okay not to know an answer or a solution. Our identity as parents can get locked with our ability to fix our children's problems.
When listening, it is important to note that not all experiences are the same. While your child may be telling you about a situation in their life that seems similar to one you had as a child, they are not the same. The world we grew up in no longer exists, and the temperaments, personalities, and relationships of the people involved are all different. The next two types of listening will require skills in Asking Questions, and these questions can highlight the differences in experience and show that we are genuinely listening.